A Collection of Fun & Funny Stuff for Your Amusement

Yes, this stuff is adolescent, but so were we when we created it!

Copyright ã John Schwenk. Contact me for permission to use.
Higher resolution scans and originals are available.


Those Who Cannot Do...
Our 9th grade art class was given the assignment to create an illustrated quotation.
Click for larger version. (No offense to Ms. Bertie was intended. “Hi, Ms. Bertie!”)

Click for larger version

After Woody Allen, I added, but did not illustrate, “Those Who Cannot Teach Gym are Guidance Counselors.” (The staff at our school just loved me.) I heard after graduating that my guidance counselor was killed in a car crash. He was a nice guy, too. I’d never wish that on anybody, even a guidance counselor.

Click for larger view

My Portrait
I had my portrait done... except that it was painted in 1901. This painting, of someone named Bilibin, looks awfully like me. Well, except for being younger, having a fuller lower lip, pointier nose, etc. ...but still, it looks an awful lot like me.

The ROOTS of John Schwenk
One of my good friends in high school was Kurt O’Brien. Kurt was (and presumably remains) a talented artist. I hope to feature more of his work here in the future. For the time being, however, I know you’ll enjoy this evolutionary history of yours truly, The ROOTS of John Schwenk.

The foregoing link is recommended. However, here are what Kurt’s drawings look like in their
original context.

Click for The ROOTS of John Schwenk
Click for larger view

The Shure company has finally come out with it - just what I’ve always needed - a Schwenkadapter. I got one along with a recent microphone purchase. This scan is from the user’s manual. I need to get one of these for each of my friends. We’ll get along much better then.

A Characature
I saw this guy in the paper and I just couldn’t resist the urge to draw him. I’m SO sorry to this guy...

Click to see characature

Genitals of the Universe
Cartoonist B. Kliban featured a cartoon titled Genitals of the Universe in his 1977 book, Whack Your Porcupine. I was greatly amused by this at the time and produced my own variations, presented here. The idea, then, is entirely stolen, but the particular examples are original.
Click to see larger versions.

Much more will follow...
I’m sorry this website is in such a preliminary condition. Creating a personal website is a very time-consuming (and some would say pointless and narcissistic) distraction. Please check back later and look at the “last updated” date on the home page.